The Sarah Palin Eyeglass Store

I went to a new ophthalmologist and I really liked her. She was thorough and patient with me as I hemmed and hawed when she asked, “Which is better? Number one? Or number two?” And I’d reply, “Um, I don’t know. Can you show me again?”

Turns out I need a prescription to help my eyes see better when I’m driving.

After the exam, I was led to a seating area and told that Daniel would be my “stylist.” After waiting a few minutes, Daniel greeted me. He seemed nice, and since it was early in the morning, and I was the only client in the store, he gave me his full attention. I would soon come to dread this.

I told Daniel I was looking for frames that were simple and classic, with a bit of color to spice things up. “Ah, I know just the pair for you,” Daniel said.

He started walking to the other side of the store and I followed him. We stopped in front of a wall of glasses and Daniel grabbed a pair of Britney Spears frames and placed them on my face. (Did you know Britney has a line of eyewear??) I looked in the mirror and was horrified. They were plastic frames with a very wide temple that grew narrower where it rested behind my ear. I took the glasses off and examined them. Problem number one: They had rhinestones. Problem number two: The rhinestones formed the shape of a cross.

“Those looked smashing on you,” Daniel said.

“Thanks, but I can’t handle the rhinestones.” I asked him if he had something less “jazzy.”

He selected another pair and put them on me. I glanced into the mirror and was not happy with what I saw. Again, he selected plastic frames and this time there was a little, bedazzled skull and crossbones on the temple.

“I’m not a Goth teenager. I couldn’t imagine wearing a skull on my glasses.”

“Skulls are really popular,” Daniel replied.

“I need some glasses that don’t pop so much. I want something simple.”

“Okay, let’s head over there.” I followed Daniel.

“Try these on.” He handed me a pair of metallic, wireless frames.

“Daniel, I think these make me look like John Denver.”

“No, John Denver’s glasses were perfectly round. These are not.” Daniel didn’t have much of a sense of humor. He grabbed another pair of frames and said, “This pair will suit you perfectly.”

“Oh my God! I look like Sarah Palin, and I can see Alaska from here.” I started laughing, but Daniel was highly annoyed.

“The Sarah Palin look is all the rage. Her glasses are her signature. She’s driving the market. Our store is stocked with Sarah Palin frames because that’s what looks best on women, and that’s what women want.”

“Do you have any frames that are more like Michelle Obama?” I inquired.

“She doesn’t wear glasses.”

“I know, but if she did, imagine the classic type of frame she’d wear with her sophisticated bob haircut.”

“Nope, no Michelle Obama glasses. We’re a Sarah Palin eyeglass store.”

I thanked him for his time. Daniel gave me my prescription and told me I’d need it when I go to another store to order my frames.

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