The 3 types of candy eaters

I have sat through many work meetings in which a jar of candy was passed around the table. I have observed three, distinct types of candy eaters.

The Savorers: These are the folks who unwrap the candy with great delicacy. They treat the candy wrapper with great care. For example, they may unfold the wrapper and slip it in their notebook or into the folder they are carrying. Or, they may hold on to the wrapper until the end of the meeting, at which point they’ll gingerly drop the wrapper into the waste basket. Savorers don’t eat their candy; they let it melt in their mouth. To prolong the life span of the candy, they may even reposition it under their tongue. Savorers would never dream of crunching or chewing a piece of hard candy. They let the Butterscotch Disc or Peppermint dissolve into vapor.

The Crunchers: Crunchers pop a piece of candy in their mouth and immediately crunch it with their molars. They may even chomp the hard candy and talk at the same time. Where the wrapper is concerned, they turn it into a game or a toy. They tend to wad the wrapper up into a tiny ball and flick it with their finger into the trashcan, or at one of their coworkers. During the course of an hour-long meeting, crunchers may devour as many as five candies. As the candy jar is being passed around the table, the crunchers will announce that they love Root Beer Barrels or Watermelon Jolly Ranchers. By announcing their preference, crunchers tend to get the candy they want. Sometimes, they may dig through a candy jar to find their favorite flavor. And it wouldn’t be unreasonable for crunchers to dump the contents of the candy jar onto the table and sift through it, piece by piece, until they find what they are looking for.

The Samplers: These are the people who initially decline a piece of candy. They wave their hand in front of their face in a gentle but firm manner, letting the person who holds the candy jar know that they are not interested. However, about mid-point in the meeting, the samplers will quietly grab a piece of candy. During the course of the meeting, the samplers have been eyeing the candy jar and they’ve taken a full inventory; they know which flavors are left. Samplers dip into the candy jar with the grace of a ballerina. They don’t make a sound. And they unwrap their candy under the table, so as not to disturb anyone. Samplers have a tendency to enjoy the candy for about five minutes (the time it takes for their mouths to be engulfed by the tang and sweetness and of a Lemon Drop). After five minutes, they skillfully remove the candy and slip it into a tissue. If they are especially self-conscience, they will excuse themselves and go to the restroom where they dispose of the candy in the trash bin. Some samplers have been known to flush the candy remnants down the toilet. But please don’t tell anyone; they’d be horrified if you knew this!


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